


What happens in a garbage can, stays in a garbage can. (Unless it's a baby!)

by Chibidemon15



Series: Why the Avengers Should Never Get Drunk! [1]
Category: Deadpool (Comics), The Amazing Spider-Man (2012), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Also alot of sass, And a traumatized loki, Drinking, Kinda, Lots and Lots of Drinking, More like what the inside of our mind is like, Multi, Well it is now, is that even a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 05:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibidemon15/pseuds/Chibidemon15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark wakes up in a garbage can.</p><p>'Wink Wink'</p><p>'Nudge Nudge'</p>
            </blockquote>





	What happens in a garbage can, stays in a garbage can. (Unless it's a baby!)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a Warning.
> 
> This was created when we were pretending to be on drugs.
> 
> But actually weren't.
> 
> Cuz Drugs are expensive.
> 
> And we're poor.
> 
> 'Wink Wink'
> 
> 'Nudge Nudge'
> 
> Also, this will be a part of a series and we'll try to update every saturday.
> 
> Hopefully.

     This was the third time Tony Stark had woken up in a garbage can. Excluding college. Both of the other times involved fights that had ended with his unconsious body being dumped rather unceremoniously in a garbage can by his attackers.

     For shits and giggles.

     He blinked blearily and shook his head, trying to separate the physical world from the pounding headache that fogged his senses. As he came to something resembling consciousness, he realized where he was. _Damnit, not again._ He worked himself out of the half-filled can. Well, he tried. Mostly it involved attempting to get a grip on the sides but continuously slipping lower and lower into the can until he was almost bent in half. After he escaped his smelly prison by rocking back and forth, tipping over the can so he could crawl out (which, lets face it, was pretty much all he was capable of at this point) he wobbled to his feet. When the world stopped spinning and he could actually see what was in front of his face, Tony wandered down the alleyway, searching for civilization. A vile stench caught his attention and he looked around, trying to find the source. He saw an ugly old woman dressed in rags that were tattered and stained odd colors. The fabric had been worn out and was falling apart at the seams, hanging off her body in strange places . Her hair was matted into a horrendous knot of ridiculous proportions and her teeth were rotted and falling out.

     "Hi! What's your name?" She croaked, voice horse with disuse. Tony could tell she didn't get too many guests. There was a slight pause, and when he just stared at her vacantly, trying to ignore the sensation of needles being pushed gently into his skull, she continued as if he had responded.

     "I'm Katherine!" she exclaimed, while smiling and showing off her god-awful teeth (seriously, he was sure dentists had nightmares about those suckers). "Are you the new neighbor who moved in two boxes over?" She asked, hope coloring her sallow eyes.

     Tony, still getting over the putrid stench coming from the hobo and trying to control his nausea so he didn't puke all over this perfectly _lovely_  alleyway, stumbled towards the opening of the dark and garbage filled passage as fast as his shaky legs could carry him.

     "Where are you going? Your box house is that way!" She pointed to the darker end of the alley. A rat skittered in the darkness and Katherine sighed, wondering if she would ever find a neighbor friend.

* * *

 

     Tony ran. Well, as close to running as he could get in his hazy state. It was sort of more of a skipping limp. He was sure he looked like some sort of blind, retarded giraffe. He stopped after a few blocks to collect his thoughts and to try to remember where he was. Which was when he realized, he had no idea where he was.

     'Where the hell am I? And why can't I remember what happened last night?' Tony thought to himself. He felt like a he had been hit by a sledgehammer. The lime juice and vodka kind. Which he realized was mostly staining his clothes.

     Tony was wearing a black suit that he remembered was once newly pressed and dry cleaned, but was now crumpled and dirty with the distinct smell of alcohol and the inside of trash cans (and, man, was Tony familiar with _that_ particular aroma).His jacket and dirty white shirt were unbuttoned. His pants smelled disgusting and were covered in odd stains from God knew what. (Actually, even He didn't know what.) Tony walked on the sidewalk filled with bustling people eager to get to their jobs or families. Or prostitutes. He wasn't judging. Yet. They murmured to each other or to their touch screen smart phones, some of which Stark Industries had invented. Shiny cars honked their horns at the traffic. The sun gleamed into Tony's eyes, peppy and ready for a new day.

     Also, was the sun _always_ this bright? He felt like his head had personally offended it in some way, and now it was getting it's revenge by spearing his eyes with knife-like rays of light.

     Tony saw a yellow cab and, squinting, waved his arm frantically. The cab drove right past, seeming to speed up when it passed Tony. Hm. He supposed he did look a bit suspicious. But it couldn't be helped. Finally, a cab pulled over and Tony tripped into the waiting car. He told the old and unamused male cab driver to drive to the Avengers tower, not bothering to give an address. Everybody knew where the Avengers tower was. Everybody, except this cab driver. Apparently.

     "I need an address, man! I can't drive anywhere without an address!" The cab driver sassed.

     "It's the giant fucking building with a giant fucking **A** on the top." Tony sassed back, twice as sassy as the driver had sassed.

     The cab driver started to drive. Sassily.

     Tony felt exhausted. He lay down in the backseat and tried to recall what had happened. He remembered that there was alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. Which was not exactly good because he wasn't really sure who he had been drinking with. He remembered that, at first he had been drinking with Steve to test out if his new pill could dull the effects of the Super Soldier Serum for a while. But everything after that was a senseless swirl of colors and noise. Tony felt like some major event had happened, but he had no idea what. Its like stepping out of a room to pick up pizza, and when you walk back in everything's on fire and there's a cop tied up and shoved under a table. (Which, actually, also happened during his college years..... And once when he'd left Thor unattended with the stove on.)

     The cab finally stopped outside of the Avenger Tower, drawing Tony's attention. He, more or less, fell out of the back, throwing a few large bills to the driver, which he collected. Sassily. With a sniff, the cabbie peeled back into traffic leaving Tony in its dust. With a slightly hysterical laugh, he entered the building, darting for the elevator. He rode it to the top floors, leaning against the wall, still tired out of his mind. When he entered, he was not surprised to find everyone surrounding the large, mahogany dining room table.

     "Anyone remember what happened last night?" Tony muttered when everyone stared blanked face at him. It was dead silent for a few seconds before Loki spoke up.

     "I remember." Loki spoke, sounding slightly traumatized, refusing to meet anyone's eyes except Thor's.


End file.
